We get a lot of weird story pitches and press releases in our inboxes here—it’s not all “hey, here’s the next supercar!” or “Check out the latest Honda Civic!” Generally speaking, most of these adventurous news clippings come from PR companies on autopilot, pushing non-automotive (or weird automotive) stuff to any media whose email addresses they could find. Some are just straight up pranks or general bunk. Today, we got something so weird that even though it’s obviously a joke that can’t possibly be real, we just have to share it with you, because, well, as you’ll see, it’s an—ahem—generous lover of a pitch.
Apparently, and this is a sentence we never figured we’d type, but adult entertainment website CamSoda—or someone impersonating a representative of CamSoda—sent us this take on the upcoming self-driving vehicle robotaxi boom that provides a new service—or, more accurately, a way for people to service themselves while using an autonomous pod service.
It’s called the “SeXla.” Who wants to take bets on how long it will take before Tesla’s lawyers send a cease and desist? (Lest we stroke Elon Musk’s ego and childlike sense of humor more than necessary, we should point out that CamSoda’s name dances around not just the Tesla name, but the Tesla lineup’s acronym, made up of the Model S, 3, X, and Y, which combine to “S3XY. “) Anyway, the SeXla is billed as an autonomous robotaxi pod that allows passengers to “enjoy a revolutionary masturbatory experience,” which is yet another thing that we never thought would be written on any version of MotorTrend, but here we are.
Before we go any further, we should point out that this, um, idea—if truly from CamSoda—seems to have sprung from the site’s “Lab,” a blog-like collection of experimentation with sex and technology that’s part gag, part boundary-pushing thought exercise. From what research our work-issued laptops could peel back without threatening our jobs, it seems CamSoda Labs has actually implemented or made some of its out-there technologies, so it’s not entirely virtual.
To be sure, we’ve reached out to the company’s communications director and for confirmation that the SeXla in fact was born in the Lab, and if so, whether it’s something that’ll actually be realized in the physical world. However, we never got a response, which further hints that the SeXla is a prank—a funny one—but a prank nonetheless, and might not have anything to do with CamSoda at all.
Anyway, each SeXla vehicle is theoretically equipped with a 4K screen with a livestream of a cam model that “interacts” with passengers during their trip. Each vehicle is allegedly stocked with what we’ll just call “accessories” for the experience, and riders would pay for each trip in a similar way that they would for any other taxi. Did we mention that we aren’t positive this is even a real thing or not? Hey, it certainly helps the pod’s viability that it’s based on an existing robotaxi prototype—as if CamSoda would ever enter the OEM business…
However, let’s give it the benefit of the doubt. Or, more of the benefit of the doubt. By now, we’re almost certain you’re engorged with morbid curiosity about how something like this is worth covering even when it’s likely a gag. Because it presents a compelling thought exercise, of course. You thought we were just diving into the gutter for fun?
The self-driving car of the future is an open-ended concept both literally and figuratively. We don’t know yet when the technology will be ready for prime time, nor do we really know how the public will react to it. Will autonomous cars change peoples’ travel behavior? Commutes? And, more pertinent to the CamSoda, er, thing, what will people do with all of this newfound free time during transit?
The SeXla offers just one solution to that last question. It also introduces yet more questions, such as how a vehicle like this would be kept clean (or clean-ish) and less like, say, the New York City subway, a well-established public transportation solution rife with inappropriate self touching. Apparently each vehicle would be equipped with ultraviolet lights that “have been shown to kill many viruses and bacteria,” according to the press release. Which, okay but, we don’t think they really get the idea of what “clean” actually means in this context. Either way, all the Lysol in the world, the most powerful pressure washer money could buy, and a 100-layer hazmat suit couldn’t get us to sit in one of these things for any period of time. Even if someone set the interior aflame, we’d think twice. If CamSoda’s serious about this venture, it should probably ban black lights inside the SeXla as a matter of course.
CamSoda, or the pitch purporting to be from CamSoda, says it plans to deploy its “SeXla” vehicles in New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Austin. Why Las Vegas isn’t on that list is just one of the many, many confusing aspects of this entire endeavor. While the concept is completely absurd, it does address (via an entirely novel angle) the question of what people might do in a hypothetical future filled with self-driving cars. Our autonomous future just got TMI’d.
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